What I Don't Miss at All

To be fair to my native country, and to the one in which I presently find myself, a list of things I do not miss from America at all:

1) Real estate fever and obsession. I can't tell you how many people I met in New York who were living two hours, three hours from work just so that they could build equity. What a waste of time and sanity.

2) Hearing anything about Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. But somebody please tell me--what are Brad and Angelina up to these days?

3) Corporate culture. Even my tussles with Eve and Ruby are not nearly as bad as what I dealt with being a corporate paralegal at Mayer Brown. Shane has not so far shown itself to have much of a corporate culture. Or if it has one, I'm very removed from it. I will never go back to the corporate world, period.

4) SUVs and minivans. The Taiwanese seem to have a saner approach to car buying, because gas is more expensive and there's hardly anywhere to park.

5) Traffic lights with no warning about how much time you have to finish crossing the street. If Taiwan can have count-down lights, why can't we have them Stateside? An inquiring mind wants to know.

6) Dr. Pepper. Used to love it. I've adjusted to drinking mostly milk tea, black tea, or Coca-Cola. Don't think I'll go back to it when I go home, whenever that may be.

7) People telling you inappropriately personal things. Here's a clue, people: if I don't know you very well, I don't care about your recent gall bladder operation, the second hole at the end of your dick, or your feelings about your gender identity.

8) Going out to Gravesend to see my friend David. No offense, David--I miss you very much. What I do not miss is the elevated subway stops in outer Brooklyn, or the general griminess of the area.

9) Not getting to see friends in the Bronx or more distant parts of New York, because of subway issues. The couple of friends I've made here so far are pretty local.

10) Planning my life around weekend subway madness.

11) Being treated as if I had moved to Mars because my idea of where to find a place to live didn't end at the East River.

12) The words "flyover country," "red state," and "blue state."

13) New York grime in general. Taiwan has a bit of grime from pollution, smoke, and the like, but you don't see trash everywhere.

14) Constantly being bombarded with images of how the upper 1/3 of one percent of the population lives. It's amazing how freeing it is to be away from American television. You stop thinking you're the only person out there who doesn't need a 50" Plasma TV right this minute.

15) New York magazine--or, as I prefer to think of it, Snotty Upper East Side, Upper West Side, Tribeca, and Certain Trendy Parts of Brooklyn that You Don't Live In Magazine.

16) Paying $20 for mediocre meals out.

17) Paying $20 for a movie, a tub of popcorn, and a Coke.

18) Hearing about all the latest electronic gizmos and gadgets. Some day, I aspire to having TiVO or similar. I don't give a flying leap about the iPhone, however, and don't need to hear about Yuppie toys.

19) Yuppies in general. I don't think the concept quite exists here. There are rich people, to be sure. But Yuppies as they exist in America, no. People do not seem to be obsessed with exposed brick, lattes, wine racks, Details magazine, or arugula.

20) People stopping at the entrance to the subway to make phone calls. What is it about Americans that makes them not know how to behave properly in crowded situations? I have never seen Taiwanese people in crowds act the way Americans in general, and New Yorkers in particular, act--with total cluelessness that there are other people around them.

21) Debates about the N-word.