A Taxonomy of Dough Balls

Last winter--the exact time is hazy, since I was unemployed, depressed, and generally unable to keep up with when things were happening--I went to hear Rabbi Kalmanofsky at Ansche Chesed give a defense of Conservatism as an ideology of Judaism. I don't recall much of what he said that evening, which suggests that it couldn't have been that earth-shattering. But I do recall his getting into a long discussion of Judaism as religion versus Judaism as ethnicity. Without G_d, he said, Judaism devolved into mere ethnic identity and couldn't hold onto the allegiance of Jews. Kreplach just aren't enough to sustain the Jewish people. After all, he said, every people has its own version of balls of dough filled with something.

I thought about that remark recently as I was looking through one of the various guides to Russia I've bought in preparation for teaching in Moscow. Russia's version of dough balls are called pelmeni and were described in my guidebook as "Siberian ravioli". They can be filled with various meats--pork is the most popular, but for those of us who keep kosher or "kosher style", there are also beef and lamb variants. Like pierogi (Polish dough balls), they can be variously boiled or fried. I have read that, in Russia, they are traditionally prepared all at once before the start of winter and preserved by being put outside the window in the snow.

The thought has struck me that a taxonomy of dough balls might make for an interesting lesson plan. When I was in Taiwan, my students expressed an interest in learning more of what they need to know to decipher English-language menus. I discovered quickly just how daunting a task this can be for English language learners when I did a lesson built around a menu from EJ's Luncheonette on the Upper West Side. Trying to make sense of Reubens, hash, and tetrazini, without any kind of real descriptions, proved hard. So did understanding menu headings like "Super Starters" or "Great Greens". But I thought learning what dough balls are called in different countries, as well as what they're filled with, might be a manageable task.

And so, here are a few new names for dough balls, made to simplify life not only for ESL/EFL students, but for all of us who have to keep track of so many different words for what are, essentially, the same food the world over:

Beef Wellington: Dough balls so teddibly British they insist on being served with crumpets.

Kreplach: Dough balls that say, "Eat, eat, or I'll kill myself!"

Pierogi: Dough balls that get conquered by the Russian army every couple of hundred years

Ravioli: Dough-a balls-a that-a end-a every-a word-a with-a vowel-a

Wonton: Dough balls that kowtow to the Emperor